Sorrow and Joy Part 2 - and a GREEN tree!

Today was session #6 of the marathon 7. On my way to the gym, I stopped at Starbucks. Give me a break...the bus stop is right in front of the store, and the timing was such that it was either sit outside for 20 minutes, or go in and relax into the wonderful smells and sounds of my second Happy Place. (The first is the library.)

As I walk out of the store, and towards the bus stop, I have a half smile on my face and feel wonderfully relaxed - if not more than a bit tired. I look up and there in front of me is ... a GREEN TREE. The leaves are green, the bark is green, and the blossoms on the branches are bright yellow. I almost stopped in my tracks. This sight took me by complete surprise, and I'd worked at this very Starbucks for several months just over a year ago. I do not really understand why it seemed so, but that tree was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. :o) A GREEN TREE. You just don't see that every day!

Okay - on with the story.Working with Erin has been GREAT! :o)

She's a totally different type of trainer than Anthony, and much better suited to my needs. She focuses on all aspects of fitness, instead of just building strength and muscle. And I love the sessions she sets up - one day we do the front of the body (chest, biceps, core, quads), another we do the back of the body (back, triceps, lower back, hamstrings), another we do the "sides" of the body (outer & inner thigh, obliques)...we do cardio intervals (weights, cardio, weights, cardio), and one day we even did intervals on the treadmill (3 min high intensity, 3 minutes low, 2 high, 2 low, etc). The workouts are varied and cover the entire body, without tiring out one muscle group excessively. I sweat like crazy, but have fun doing it! The sessions go SUPER FAST...it seems like we've only been going for 20 minutes when the session is over.

I've been sore in muscles I never experienced soreness while working with Tony. My back muscles were sore the other day!! And yeah - you may call me crazy - but muscle soreness feels WONDERFUL to me!

When I told her that I wanted to run a marathon sometime next year, she didn't laugh or tell me to try a shorter distance (as did Tony). It turns out that her specialty is training people to get ready for running marathons. :o) Funny how that happens, yeah? :o) She's 100% supportive. When I told her that this whole experience is giving me a desire to become a personal trainer someday, she responded with enthusiasm and encouragement, saying "Think of the inspiration you could be to others!"

So, yeah, having Erin take over my training has been a very good thing. :o)

As for other things...here is a note (in italics) I wrote on my phone before my first session with Erin. It puts my feelings into words better then I could convey now, almost a week later.

It's interesting what you learn about yourself when things happen that 1. Are beyond your control and 2. Send your mind and heart reeling in a thousand different directions, all opposite from the direction they were currrently traveling. It's almost as if, the moment this tragedy (for lack of a better word) strikes, you're afforded the opportunity to step away from yourself and watch each reaction and adjustment unfold. Perhaps this is God's intention...as He allows these heart-rending and heart-breaking events into our lives, He is also allowing us to witness our own growth.

So, what have I learned about myself through this thing with Anthony? For starters, I've realized that I'm no longer unhappy by default. Where unhappiness used to be the "norm" for my emotional state, the opposite is true now. My default is now happy and bubbly. Unhappiness has become an unwelcome intruder. I'm not exactly sure when that happened, but it has. And it is SO good. :o)

Another thing I have realized is how very open my heart is. I bought this necklace - the open heart necklace by Jane Seymour from Kay Jewelers - for that reason - I considered it true in theory, but maybe wasn't thinking it was completely true of ME. It has sunk in over the last few days how very true it is of me. I used to pride myself in being someone who was closed and protected. Now, I can see that the doors have opened and the walls have come tumbling down. I have a very open heart now. Granted, it means I also get hurt very easily, but I would much rather love freely and get hurt than never love and miss out on that joy.

I also realized how painful it is when someone you care about cannot see in themselves what you see in them. So many times in the past people have been on that end with me...and I either could not see what they saw, or chose not to see what they saw. I've never been on this end before. Anthony sees himself in a negative light in many ways...he has no clue how inspirational he is, and he has no clue how worthy of happiness he is. It's painful to hear him say things like "I don't deserve it" or "I'm just a screw-up". The kid is a walking miracle, and he's oblivious to how special he is. It hurts me to see it. And now I have a better understanding of how frustrating it was for those in my life who have been in the same position.

Meeting and becoming friends with Anthony was something worth doing. It ended badly, I guess, but during the time I was interacting with him, I was able to show him what true friendship is, what true acceptance is, and how God loves him. What he did with those things...well, that's nothing I can control or be responsible for. I only hope that in some way God touched his heart through me. Being open was my job where Anthony is concerned, and I succeeded in that mission. The outcome is up to Anthony and God. The only thing left for me to do is let go, and move on.

Moving on....I'm going to try YOGA for the first time Friday. :o) Maybe. There's a class at the gym on Fridays. I want that flexibility!! Is there a difference between a fitness mat and a yoga mat? I have a fitness mat... ANYWAY, I'm considering taking the class. We'll see. I might be too much of a scaredy-cat, but hopefully not. :o)

My 7th session (and last to get the 10 free) is Thursday evening. I'm taking a session break for a week. I'll do the yoga class, walk the neighborhood, do some ab work...but I'm feeling the fatigue today. I've been going hard, and need a little break. :o) After that, it's back to business.

I am very optimistic about the next several months. :o) First goal - go below the 200 line! That's less than 30 pounds away! YEAH BABY!