It's one of those nights. I'm restless. Mind can't settle on a thought. Body can't settle into stillness. Can't pin down any reasons for it ... it just is.
I remember a day when I was a kid. It was a strange weather day. The clouds were gray, thick, and very heavy. It could have rained at any moment, but didn't. I distinctly remember walking out on the back patio, stepping out onto the small bit of landscaping my dad had put together to make the yard look all pretty, and looking up at the sky. It was unlike anything I'd ever seen, and have ever seen since.
There was a hole of sorts in the lowest layer of gray clouds...kind of square shaped...and above that, even darker clouds were speeding past, giving it a rolling look. I'm probably not conveying the crazy, eery look of it all, but it was very unsettling. After a minute of fascinating staring, I ran back inside to wait out whatever storm was coming.
That's how I feel tonight.
It could be that Rich is in Spain, so close to Morocco, and thinking about Spain is bringing up memories and questions and frustrations. It could be that I've gone a couple days without pain killers, and the level of pain in my back shows how much the ibuprofen has been masking, and that's scary. It could be that so many friends and family are experiencing snow, and I dearly miss snow. It could be that I've been cutting way back on coffee, and the resulting headache is making it difficult to think. Hell, it could be that my hair is too long.
**sigh** Whatever it is, I do not like feeling this way. A bear hug would be good right now. Or playing with a puppy.
The thought of tomorrow brings hope that it will pass soon.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
World Wide Open
It's both scary and wonderful to be in a position where the world is wide open to you. When every option is a real option and not just an "oh wouldn't that be nice?". No ties to any one place, no one else to worry about in considering a move, not even furniture to worry about moving.
It's wonderful because ... well, the world is literally open. Anything is possible.
It's scary because ... well, the world is literally open. And anything is possible.
The hardest part is narrowing down the options. And then choosing which option to pursue.
I've mentioned to several people that I'll be leaving Las Vegas in 2010. I've been here - save for a few months here and there - for 6 years. It's C-R-A-Z-Y to think about how long it's been. Definitely doesn't feel like it's been that long, especially since leaving YWAM in 2007. Two years is a long time...but it's literally flown by.
The question everyone asks when I tell them of leaving is "What's next for you?" The only response I can give at this time is "I have no idea." These are the things I will be praying about over the next few months:
1. New Orleans - My cousin and her husband have just moved back to New Orleans to open a community center in the city. I do not know a whole lot about The Center yet, but am excited about the possibilities of "getting my hands dirty" again with at-risk youth and stuff like that. It would also be nice to be in a humid climate again, with rain and thunderstorms and the Gulf so close. I would probably also work as a personal trainer (plan to be certified by then). I would be closer to family and friends.
2. Moving East - generally. Kentucky, Tennessee, Virginia Beach are the three main places I've been looking at, in a general sense. Again, I would try to find work as a personal trainer and basically give myself a fresh start. I would be closer to family and friends.
3. School of the Bible - This is a YWAM school, at YWAM Tyler. It lasts one year and begins in August. I've wanted to take some concentrated time to go deeply into God's Word, and this would give me the opportunity to focus on that and nothing else.
4. Introduction to Primary Healthcare - another YWAM school. It's 6 months, and I could take this course in Montana, Hawaii or Australia. The desire to take this school is tied very closely with Morocco (next option), so I'm not sure how viable this option is at this time.
5. Morocco - no list of options would be complete without Morocco, even if I have let it go. I still believe that God has called me to Morocco, but it became an obstacle, which is the opposite of what it should be. So I let the dream of Morocco die, and will pick it back up only if God directs me to do so. My life is still completely open to going, whenever - if ever - He says go.
6. Children Around the World - This is a dream that has started brewing, that would involve myself and a team of select others. I'm not inclined to go any further into it than that, as it is still just a developing idea. :o)
So, there ya have it. Lots of options. Lots of possilities. Lots of decisions. LOTS of prayer. :o)
It's wonderful because ... well, the world is literally open. Anything is possible.
It's scary because ... well, the world is literally open. And anything is possible.
The hardest part is narrowing down the options. And then choosing which option to pursue.
I've mentioned to several people that I'll be leaving Las Vegas in 2010. I've been here - save for a few months here and there - for 6 years. It's C-R-A-Z-Y to think about how long it's been. Definitely doesn't feel like it's been that long, especially since leaving YWAM in 2007. Two years is a long time...but it's literally flown by.
The question everyone asks when I tell them of leaving is "What's next for you?" The only response I can give at this time is "I have no idea." These are the things I will be praying about over the next few months:
1. New Orleans - My cousin and her husband have just moved back to New Orleans to open a community center in the city. I do not know a whole lot about The Center yet, but am excited about the possibilities of "getting my hands dirty" again with at-risk youth and stuff like that. It would also be nice to be in a humid climate again, with rain and thunderstorms and the Gulf so close. I would probably also work as a personal trainer (plan to be certified by then). I would be closer to family and friends.
2. Moving East - generally. Kentucky, Tennessee, Virginia Beach are the three main places I've been looking at, in a general sense. Again, I would try to find work as a personal trainer and basically give myself a fresh start. I would be closer to family and friends.
3. School of the Bible - This is a YWAM school, at YWAM Tyler. It lasts one year and begins in August. I've wanted to take some concentrated time to go deeply into God's Word, and this would give me the opportunity to focus on that and nothing else.
4. Introduction to Primary Healthcare - another YWAM school. It's 6 months, and I could take this course in Montana, Hawaii or Australia. The desire to take this school is tied very closely with Morocco (next option), so I'm not sure how viable this option is at this time.
5. Morocco - no list of options would be complete without Morocco, even if I have let it go. I still believe that God has called me to Morocco, but it became an obstacle, which is the opposite of what it should be. So I let the dream of Morocco die, and will pick it back up only if God directs me to do so. My life is still completely open to going, whenever - if ever - He says go.
6. Children Around the World - This is a dream that has started brewing, that would involve myself and a team of select others. I'm not inclined to go any further into it than that, as it is still just a developing idea. :o)
So, there ya have it. Lots of options. Lots of possilities. Lots of decisions. LOTS of prayer. :o)
Friday, January 1, 2010
Savoring in 2010
So, it's here. A new year. A new number. And believe it or not, the first day is already almost over. You know...they say "Time flies when you're having fun." I think that's a ridiculous statement. Because time flies whether you're having fun or not. Remember when days were slower? Things weren't so fast paced, so frantic... I miss those days. I think about the small town I grew up in and wonder if time still takes its time there, or if that small town, too, travels at the same breakneck speed as the rest of us.
I wish time didn't move so quickly. It makes it so hard to savor each day. I guess the trick is to pick parts of the day to savor, rather than expect to savor the whole shabang.
So, what are you going to savor tomorrow? January 2, 2010. What about that day will you savor?
Personally, at least to start, I'm going to savor the 1 1/2 hours I have between waking and leaving the house for work. Shower, cook/eat breakfast, make/drink coffee, pack lunch, harvest cranberries on Farmville, have some devotional time. (Not necessarily in that order.) No one else in the house is awake. It's very quiet and relatively dark. Peaceful. Routine. Comforting. It's a wonderful way to prepare for a hard day of work (which is definitely what tomorrow will be). I've never really done it with an attitude of savoring...but tomorrow morning, I will intentionally savor each second.
Savor moments. Don't let the fast pace of life these days rob you of joy in the little things. :o)
Happy New Year!
I wish time didn't move so quickly. It makes it so hard to savor each day. I guess the trick is to pick parts of the day to savor, rather than expect to savor the whole shabang.
So, what are you going to savor tomorrow? January 2, 2010. What about that day will you savor?
Personally, at least to start, I'm going to savor the 1 1/2 hours I have between waking and leaving the house for work. Shower, cook/eat breakfast, make/drink coffee, pack lunch, harvest cranberries on Farmville, have some devotional time. (Not necessarily in that order.) No one else in the house is awake. It's very quiet and relatively dark. Peaceful. Routine. Comforting. It's a wonderful way to prepare for a hard day of work (which is definitely what tomorrow will be). I've never really done it with an attitude of savoring...but tomorrow morning, I will intentionally savor each second.
Savor moments. Don't let the fast pace of life these days rob you of joy in the little things. :o)
Happy New Year!
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