To Hotel Guests

Housekeeper Pet Peeves:

1. There are three trash cans in your suite: one in the bathroom, one in the bedroom, and one in the living room. Use them for trash. That's what they are there for.

2. If you must leave your dirty underwear on the floor, at least put it in a laundry bag and put it on the floor of the closet.

3. A non-smoking suite is a non-smoking suite. This means that you are not supposed to smoke in it. If you need to smoke, go to the casino or request a smoking room. We understand that the smoking floors smell like smoke, and the suites on those floors smell like smoke, but in all honestly, once you smoke once in your suite, it stinks just like those rooms on the smoking floors. If you don't like the smell...QUIT SMOKING. Duh.

3. Do NOT under any circumstances smoke illegal drugs in your suite. We can tell when it happens. There is a distinct odor. DUH.

4. Used condoms belong in one of the three trash cans mentioned in the first point. Not under the bed skirt.

5. Do not take towels and amenities off the housekeeper's carts when they aren't looking. You are not the only guest in the hotel, and we will give you any extra stuff you need if you ask. Housekeepers have other suites to clean, and need the things on their carts to do their jobs.

6. If you do not want to be woken up at 9 am, put your "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door. Put the sign on the OUTSIDE of the door, so the housekeeper can see it. Otherwise, don't be angry or disgusted when the housekeeper knocks on your door and walks into your suite waking you up.

7. Yes, parties are part of life. But if you trash the suite, please at least leave a tip for the housekeeper. It's rude to expect someone to spend two hours in the room after you've left trash all over the floor, moved all the furniture, spilled alcohol all over the place, and thrown up everywhere except the toilet...and leave nothing. Have some class. Apologize by leaving a tip.

8. The bathtub is not an alternate toilet. Please to not urinate in the bathtub. That's just gross people. That's just gross. Do you have ANY class at ALL??

9. We understand that $25 extra dollars for every person over 2 in the room is a very steep price to pay when you're already paying $300 a night for one of our suites, but please be honest and above board. It helps the housekeepers to know how many people are in the suite. To find 6 disgustingly dirty people instead of the one person on the reservation only sets them back and adds more stress to an already unbelievably stressful job.

10. Everything in your suite is for your use. But do you have to hoarde amenities? Do you honestly think we don't realize that you're not actually using the stuff, but taking it home to your wife, or taking it home for your bathroom? Speaking of your wife, are you taking the prostitute trading cards you've collected home to her as well?

11. Lastly, daytime housekeepers typically work from 9 am - 5 pm. This means that your suite might not be cleaned until 4:30 pm. It's basically the luck of the draw, ya know? Our housekeepers clean 11 suites a day, and each takes anywhere from 20-45 minutes to clean. (Double that for trashed suites.) Which means that there is no way in hell that the housekeeper will have ALL eleven rooms cleaned before noon. Be patient. Do not yell at the housekeeper. And don't be selfish, expecting your suite to be cleaned first everyday. Especially if you do not leave the suite until 2 pm, and return at 3 pm. Chances are, she didn't even know you left. Give her a break, will ya? Sheesh.

12. We have 7 pools. You don't need to bring your own and set it up on the bathroom floor. (Yes, someone actually did this.)