Glancing Back, Focusing Forward

2009.


I had big plans for 2009. Lose weight. Get off blood pressure meds. Develop relationships. End world hunger. BIG plans.

And what did I do? Suffice it to say, not much. I lost a few pounds. Blood pressure meds, well at least the doc lowered the dose of one. Relationships...I met a few new people, and got a little closer to a few family members. World hunger...ok, maybe that one's a bit pie-in-the-sky for me.

I glance back at 2009 and recognize the reality of it: 2009 was all about discovery. I discovered a lot of things. Like ... several of my issues stem from generational things, and that I have within me the power to break those cycles. And, being addicted to food doesn't necessarily mean that food has to be the enemy. And, I have NO discipline in most areas of my life. And, there are still deeper levels of forgiving myself that will be required as I reach certain goals in the future. And, I'm pretty uncertain about the future. And, Morocco isn't for me to hold tightly to, but to let go of completely, and God will give it back when He deems fit to do so. And, FRIENDS ARE IMPORTANT. And, I don't have enough of them. And, I'm tired of being alone.

The list goes on and on. I've discovered so much about God, myself, and how we work together, and how we dont work together, and we should work together. Old desires have died. New passions have ignited. Some of which (on both sides) have taken me completely by surprise. If it had all come at once, I'd have been 100% overwhelmed, and probably locked myself in a cage and thrown away the key. Thankfully, it came in bits and pieces, over 12 months, in the year that is called 2009.

So, I guess, in truth...a lot happened in 2009. The question is...what do I do with it? How do I move forward? What do I want 2010 to be about?

DISCIPLINE. It's an ugly word in most circles. But necessary, to say the least.


Discipline in spiritual matters, discpline in eating and working out, discipline in financial matters, discipline in work matters, discipline in health matters...in all those areas, my failures are a direct result of a lack of discipline. That is my focus in the coming year...developing a disciplined life while enjoying the joys of every day as they come.

After years of depression and years of healing, it seems I'm finally beginning to LIVE. Yes, I'm child-like in many ways. But I've decided that the only way to come to terms with that is to embrace it, enjoy it, and continue to grow through it.

2010 is going to be a great year.