Wake Up Call

So, I've been seeing a doctor for the last few months. Not socially. HA! No, I've been going to the doctor for high blood pressure. Over the last months, she's done numerous blood tests, put me on medication, had me get an echocardiogram, and changed my medication once.

Yesterday was my latest appointment. She gave me some news that shocked me, although it probably shouldn't have.

She told me that the reason she'd switched my medication was that the echo showed thickening of the heart. Which means my heart has been working too hard - because of the high blood pressure and because I'm so overweight. The blood pressure is now under control...but if I don't lose weight...well. It won't be good. When she said "it could lead to heart attacks, or, well. Heart failure." I wanted to cry.

What have I done to myself? It was a wake up call.

I've been thinking about it since...and all the ramifications (that may or may not be the right word). I mean...with God all things are possible. But suppose God decides to let it remain, and chooses not to miraculously reverse this seemingly irreversable condition?

It could mean my life will be shorter than God originally intended for it to be. It could mean that - being an organ donor - my heart is nontransplantable, which cheats someone out of a healthy heart. It will mean that if I were to marry again, my husband would have to deal with the knowledge that my selfishness, laziness, and procrastination in overcoming addiction to food has cheated him out of a few years with his wife. Same with any children we may have.

In other words...this doesn't just touch me. It touches everyone in my life. This is no longer something I've done to myself, but something I've done that affects others.

So, I'm going to a dietician. And I'm going to try. I haven't been trying. But it's no longer something I can be blase about. I have no choice. I have to lose weight.

It's pretty serious now.