Just finished watching "Tsunami: The Aftermath" by HBO Films. It was intense.
The movie is a fictionalized account of what really happened in one section of Thailand during the week following the tsunami of December 26, 2004. The characters are a mix of real people, and the story lines of the character's lives are based on those real peoples' lives in those unimaginable days.
The movie is good. It's real. It cuts. It portrays many aspects of what happened just under three years ago....has it only been that long?
Humans...as a rule...are strong and resilient. We keep going, even if on auto pilot, when circumstances seek to reduce us to mush. The human mind is an intricate, unbelievably capable thing...it knows how much it can take, and immediately sets out to protect itself from destruction. We break. But we mend. And we move on. Sometimes we don't always heal correctly, or completely. But we are able to move beyond horrendous circumstances and continue living.
I was nauseous seeing the wave, seeing the destruction, bodies everywhere - despite it being a movie. I cried at the loss of life, the injustice of unidentified bodies, loss of land and possessions, and the lack of closure for those who were left alive and searching - never to find.
What struck me the most was a very simple fact: Despite our strength...life is fragile. Sometimes there is no warning...and it's over.
And I find myself asking one question: Am I able to say today, "I've lived life as fully as possible?" I don't know that I can answer yes to that question. And I don't know that I can figure out how to change my answer.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Friday, October 19, 2007
Not Me...NO WAY!
Okay, so I just finished reading this book: How to Be Cool. It's women's fiction, about a girl who took charge of her life after college, lost 75 pounds by hard work and depriving herself of all good food, and "transformed" her life so well that she is now gives lessons to people on How to Be Cool (the name of the seminar and company).
Props to anyone who can lose 75 pounds. And keep it off. And be happy about it and continue to live life to its fullest.
But that was not this girl. "Kylie" was obsessive about her past - Vintage Kylie she called it at first, then finally admitted it was really Fat Kylie. She got defensive when she thought someone might even be hinting at her fat past. She worked out a couple hours every day, ate a very strict diet every day, and hid a LOT of stuff from her clients - including her past, the fact that her social life was nothing like she claimed it was, and that she was living with her parents after a fire destroyed her apartment building (a perfectly acceptable reason to be camping out a Mom & Dad's if you ask me, but Kylie was 100% ashamed of it, so hid it.)
Most of the time, when I read a book, I like the Main Character. But I did not like Kylie. She was ridiculously unhappy with her life, unethical in her business (lying to your clients is unethical, right?), and let her past run her present and future. I couldn't stand her. I kept expecting her to wake up, grow up, and get past it all and on with life.
She did. But I missed it. It happened without any real clarification of it happening. One day she was obsessing, the next she was eating cake.
The book itself was okay...but Kylie...aye, aye, aye. I hope..........I PRAY, that I will never be her. Yes, I want to lose the weight. Yes, I want to "re-invent" some areas of my life (coffee with George, ya know??), but I do not want to be a slave to bland diet food and the gym and a "fat" past that haunts me. What is the stinkin point of losing the weight and saving your own life, if you cannot LIVE once it's off?????
Yes, Kylie is a fictional character. But how many real life women are just like her? Desperate to keep the weight off, to the point of not even really living?
Not me! NO WAY! I vow, here and now, to live life, even in the process of taking off the weight. I will still enjoy food. I will be sensible about work outs. I will continue accepting that I am a beautiful woman no matter what size, and that the past is redeemable no matter how bad.
THAT is how to be cool...in my book anyway.
Props to anyone who can lose 75 pounds. And keep it off. And be happy about it and continue to live life to its fullest.
But that was not this girl. "Kylie" was obsessive about her past - Vintage Kylie she called it at first, then finally admitted it was really Fat Kylie. She got defensive when she thought someone might even be hinting at her fat past. She worked out a couple hours every day, ate a very strict diet every day, and hid a LOT of stuff from her clients - including her past, the fact that her social life was nothing like she claimed it was, and that she was living with her parents after a fire destroyed her apartment building (a perfectly acceptable reason to be camping out a Mom & Dad's if you ask me, but Kylie was 100% ashamed of it, so hid it.)
Most of the time, when I read a book, I like the Main Character. But I did not like Kylie. She was ridiculously unhappy with her life, unethical in her business (lying to your clients is unethical, right?), and let her past run her present and future. I couldn't stand her. I kept expecting her to wake up, grow up, and get past it all and on with life.
She did. But I missed it. It happened without any real clarification of it happening. One day she was obsessing, the next she was eating cake.
The book itself was okay...but Kylie...aye, aye, aye. I hope..........I PRAY, that I will never be her. Yes, I want to lose the weight. Yes, I want to "re-invent" some areas of my life (coffee with George, ya know??), but I do not want to be a slave to bland diet food and the gym and a "fat" past that haunts me. What is the stinkin point of losing the weight and saving your own life, if you cannot LIVE once it's off?????
Yes, Kylie is a fictional character. But how many real life women are just like her? Desperate to keep the weight off, to the point of not even really living?
Not me! NO WAY! I vow, here and now, to live life, even in the process of taking off the weight. I will still enjoy food. I will be sensible about work outs. I will continue accepting that I am a beautiful woman no matter what size, and that the past is redeemable no matter how bad.
THAT is how to be cool...in my book anyway.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
0 to 60 in 3 seconds...
Transition is fun. Or at least, that's what people tell me. It's interesting, to say the least. I swing back and forth between worrying about getting a job, and enjoying the pleasure of sleeping (almost) whenever the heck I want.
And then, the last few days happened, and I'm a bit dizzy from the whirlwind of change.
I've been applying for jobs, right and left. Craigslist has become a friend, and I was able to grab three great interviews from the 20(ish) resume submissions for jobs posted. All three of those turned out to be rejections, but hey...there's a plan...there has to be right? Gotcha! I believe there is. I've been praying for God to close all the wrong doors, and open the right one(s) so that I'm where He wants me to be for the next year or whatever.
So, the Venetian has been the hotel in Vegas that I've been determined to work at since I knew this break was happening. I've been faithfully applying for different jobs - because they have been faithfully rejecting me for each of said jobs. Upon getting the third rejection (after nearly four weeks of waiting for a response beyond the screening interview), I immediately RE-applied again - for housekeeping this time. All the others had been secretarial positions, so I thought to mix it up a bit, ya know?
Two days later, I had the screening interview. At that interview, I was scheduled for a second interview two days later. At that interview, I was hired. SHEESH! When the door opened, it blew open so quickly I could hardly catch my breath!
And then, I had a second interview at Starbucks, and the manager hired me at the end of the interview! SHEESH!
So, now I have three jobs. :o) Mildly psychotic, I know. But one will be full time, one will be very part time, and the other will be floor-sets only. I'm just waiting for the official job offer from the Venetian before I make any sudden moves...ya know?
So, as boring as this blog entry was...life is definitely NOT boring these days.
And then, the last few days happened, and I'm a bit dizzy from the whirlwind of change.
I've been applying for jobs, right and left. Craigslist has become a friend, and I was able to grab three great interviews from the 20(ish) resume submissions for jobs posted. All three of those turned out to be rejections, but hey...there's a plan...there has to be right? Gotcha! I believe there is. I've been praying for God to close all the wrong doors, and open the right one(s) so that I'm where He wants me to be for the next year or whatever.
So, the Venetian has been the hotel in Vegas that I've been determined to work at since I knew this break was happening. I've been faithfully applying for different jobs - because they have been faithfully rejecting me for each of said jobs. Upon getting the third rejection (after nearly four weeks of waiting for a response beyond the screening interview), I immediately RE-applied again - for housekeeping this time. All the others had been secretarial positions, so I thought to mix it up a bit, ya know?
Two days later, I had the screening interview. At that interview, I was scheduled for a second interview two days later. At that interview, I was hired. SHEESH! When the door opened, it blew open so quickly I could hardly catch my breath!
And then, I had a second interview at Starbucks, and the manager hired me at the end of the interview! SHEESH!
So, now I have three jobs. :o) Mildly psychotic, I know. But one will be full time, one will be very part time, and the other will be floor-sets only. I'm just waiting for the official job offer from the Venetian before I make any sudden moves...ya know?
So, as boring as this blog entry was...life is definitely NOT boring these days.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
The Face In My Mind
Have you ever missed someone so much that it made you physically ill? Not violently ill, just enough to make ya feel "off" somehow? Like...walking through mud a foot thick, with fog surrounding you so densely that you can barely see a foot in front of you? A nagging headache that has no root, just kind of floats around your noggin in a most annoying way?
I have. And I'm experiencing that now.
He's a friend. Nothing more. Likely never will be anything more than a distant friendship. He's larger than life...but meek and humble. He sees more in me that I do. He has more faith in me than I do. And he always has. I haven't seen him in a very long time. He doesn't live in Vegas, and for that I am thankful.
Every once in a while, I'll have a dream. I'll see his face in the dream...and rarely does one of those dreams happen without there being some kind of meaning behind it...either for him or myself. They don't come often. But I do know that if I see him in a dream...to pay attention. The problem with that though...is that sometimes the meaning isn't clear...and after every dream, a period of time goes by that he becomes the constant face in my mind. I can see his face clearly...for days...sometimes weeks...until finally it fades again, and I'm out of the fog.
A tiny part of me will always wish for more than friendship. And most of the time I can bury that wish and forget about it. But when he becomes the face in my mind...it's a wish that demands attention.
I love these days. To see his face all the time, to know that he is near in some way. I hate these days. To miss someone so much it affects me physically, and to wish for impossible things.
I have a love / hate relationship with the face in my mind.
I have. And I'm experiencing that now.
He's a friend. Nothing more. Likely never will be anything more than a distant friendship. He's larger than life...but meek and humble. He sees more in me that I do. He has more faith in me than I do. And he always has. I haven't seen him in a very long time. He doesn't live in Vegas, and for that I am thankful.
Every once in a while, I'll have a dream. I'll see his face in the dream...and rarely does one of those dreams happen without there being some kind of meaning behind it...either for him or myself. They don't come often. But I do know that if I see him in a dream...to pay attention. The problem with that though...is that sometimes the meaning isn't clear...and after every dream, a period of time goes by that he becomes the constant face in my mind. I can see his face clearly...for days...sometimes weeks...until finally it fades again, and I'm out of the fog.
A tiny part of me will always wish for more than friendship. And most of the time I can bury that wish and forget about it. But when he becomes the face in my mind...it's a wish that demands attention.
I love these days. To see his face all the time, to know that he is near in some way. I hate these days. To miss someone so much it affects me physically, and to wish for impossible things.
I have a love / hate relationship with the face in my mind.
Friday, October 5, 2007
Nirvana
"a place or state characterized by freedom from or oblivion to pain, worry, and the external world" - definition #3 from dictionary.com
- or -
"walking through the men's fragrance counter at a department store" - dawn's definition
It's not everyday that one gets the unmatchable joy of both going to their happy place and experiencing nirvana. But - keeping the above definition in mind - I was blessed enough to have that kind of day.
Polo, D&G, Usher, Tommy, Boss, Aramis, CK, Eternity, Drakkar Noir, Gucci, Hummer, Kenneth Cole, Lacoste, Obsession, Valentinio....they all mix together to make the most intriguing, most addicting, most fireworks-in-the-brain and hippie-drum-circles-in-the-heart inducing fragrance in the world. Oh. My. Gawd.
I walked through twice...on my way to and from my happy place (happy place = the public library btw). I thank God that it's on the way to the library....because quite frankly, it would be strange to just hang out there for a while. Can you imagine seeing a woman of my former-hot-chick-ed-ness just hanging out at the men's frangrance counter, trying to look nonchalant as I take unnaturally deep breaths...through my nose? Talk about strange sightings.
Might I add that the women's frangrances all mixed up do NOT smell that good? Talk about headache inducing...sheesh.
And whilst I was enjoying this nirvana experience...the thought came into my mind...I wonder what George Clooney wears? Does he wear the kind of frangrance that would make a girl stick her nose in his neck and never come up for air? He most likely wears some unbelievably expensive cologne that is advertized as having a rare powerful aphrodisiac that is only produced by some nearly extinct tribal clan in the remotest part of the remotest jungle. Although...if the tribe is nearly extinct, it can't be that powerful, eh? But I digress...
Whatever Mr. Clooney wears...I'm sure I'd be happy to smell it. Oh yeah. I sure would be.
- or -
"walking through the men's fragrance counter at a department store" - dawn's definition
It's not everyday that one gets the unmatchable joy of both going to their happy place and experiencing nirvana. But - keeping the above definition in mind - I was blessed enough to have that kind of day.
Polo, D&G, Usher, Tommy, Boss, Aramis, CK, Eternity, Drakkar Noir, Gucci, Hummer, Kenneth Cole, Lacoste, Obsession, Valentinio....they all mix together to make the most intriguing, most addicting, most fireworks-in-the-brain and hippie-drum-circles-in-the-heart inducing fragrance in the world. Oh. My. Gawd.
I walked through twice...on my way to and from my happy place (happy place = the public library btw). I thank God that it's on the way to the library....because quite frankly, it would be strange to just hang out there for a while. Can you imagine seeing a woman of my former-hot-chick-ed-ness just hanging out at the men's frangrance counter, trying to look nonchalant as I take unnaturally deep breaths...through my nose? Talk about strange sightings.
Might I add that the women's frangrances all mixed up do NOT smell that good? Talk about headache inducing...sheesh.
And whilst I was enjoying this nirvana experience...the thought came into my mind...I wonder what George Clooney wears? Does he wear the kind of frangrance that would make a girl stick her nose in his neck and never come up for air? He most likely wears some unbelievably expensive cologne that is advertized as having a rare powerful aphrodisiac that is only produced by some nearly extinct tribal clan in the remotest part of the remotest jungle. Although...if the tribe is nearly extinct, it can't be that powerful, eh? But I digress...
Whatever Mr. Clooney wears...I'm sure I'd be happy to smell it. Oh yeah. I sure would be.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Hokie Ding-Dong!
:o) Isn't that a funny saying? That's what my (former) boss, Rich, always says when something surprises him. I've taken it on, as part of my own quirky-wonky-dorky nature. (No offense, Rich.)
So here it is, OCTOBER FIRST!!! Can you BELIEVE it???? Sorry for those caps, to you internet-etiquette-conscious peeps - but ... SERIOUSLY. Can you believe it's stinkin October already?? This year has literally flown by...no kidding. It sprouted wings round about January 11th, and just never stopped flying.
Well, yeah. It's October 1st. And I'm officially finished with YWAM Las Vegas as a full time staff member. It's a slightly weird feeling. But a lovely feeling nonetheless. (Again, no offense, Rich. But when it's right, it's just right.)(I have no belief that Rich will ever read this...but who knows.)
I've been gaining hours at Bath and Body Works, put an app in at Starbucks, and am hoping to do okay for now with two part time jobs. BBW might move way up in hours with the onset of the holiday season (it is October already, ya know??). Nothing else has panned out (after seven interviews), but I'm still waiting to hear from two hotel positions. Do the math. That's 5 rejections. But I'm not letting that get me down!
Along with these things...I need to get moving on the whole weight issue, the premise for this here blogamathinger. For instance...I just got off BBW, and my feet hurt like all get out. (Anyone wanna venture a guess where "all get out" comes from and why? I've always wondered!) I'm tired of having hurting feet. Granted, the hard as wood wood flooring (I'll slap my own forehead thankyouverymuch) makes it possible to have aching feet and legs no matter what body type you are, but let's face it...weighing 130 pounds more than I should sure doesn't help the ole kickers any.
So what are my options? Hmmm. I want to get a membership to the Las Vegas Athletic Club. "Ladies Join Free!" is being advertised again, and although it's not as great as the $19 a month it was a few weeks ago...it's not bad! 24-Hour Fitness's rate is outrageous and I can only go to one gym. I think with LVAC I'll be able to go to any of em. WhoooHooo! Or should I say...HOKIE DIN-DONG!
So yes, my pets, it is time to start looking towards the days of sweat and sore muscles...two of my most favorite things in the world. Seriously. No - seriously. YES! I do like that feeling! I admit it! And admitting is the first step to healing, isn't that what they say? Whatever. It's time to look into a gym membership.
Tomorrow. When my feet don't hurt so bad. :o)
Night night!
So here it is, OCTOBER FIRST!!! Can you BELIEVE it???? Sorry for those caps, to you internet-etiquette-conscious peeps - but ... SERIOUSLY. Can you believe it's stinkin October already?? This year has literally flown by...no kidding. It sprouted wings round about January 11th, and just never stopped flying.
Well, yeah. It's October 1st. And I'm officially finished with YWAM Las Vegas as a full time staff member. It's a slightly weird feeling. But a lovely feeling nonetheless. (Again, no offense, Rich. But when it's right, it's just right.)(I have no belief that Rich will ever read this...but who knows.)
I've been gaining hours at Bath and Body Works, put an app in at Starbucks, and am hoping to do okay for now with two part time jobs. BBW might move way up in hours with the onset of the holiday season (it is October already, ya know??). Nothing else has panned out (after seven interviews), but I'm still waiting to hear from two hotel positions. Do the math. That's 5 rejections. But I'm not letting that get me down!
Along with these things...I need to get moving on the whole weight issue, the premise for this here blogamathinger. For instance...I just got off BBW, and my feet hurt like all get out. (Anyone wanna venture a guess where "all get out" comes from and why? I've always wondered!) I'm tired of having hurting feet. Granted, the hard as wood wood flooring (I'll slap my own forehead thankyouverymuch) makes it possible to have aching feet and legs no matter what body type you are, but let's face it...weighing 130 pounds more than I should sure doesn't help the ole kickers any.
So what are my options? Hmmm. I want to get a membership to the Las Vegas Athletic Club. "Ladies Join Free!" is being advertised again, and although it's not as great as the $19 a month it was a few weeks ago...it's not bad! 24-Hour Fitness's rate is outrageous and I can only go to one gym. I think with LVAC I'll be able to go to any of em. WhoooHooo! Or should I say...HOKIE DIN-DONG!
So yes, my pets, it is time to start looking towards the days of sweat and sore muscles...two of my most favorite things in the world. Seriously. No - seriously. YES! I do like that feeling! I admit it! And admitting is the first step to healing, isn't that what they say? Whatever. It's time to look into a gym membership.
Tomorrow. When my feet don't hurt so bad. :o)
Night night!
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