"Damn, you smell good!"

I remember hearing that, seeing the guy who said it, and being confident that I deserved the compliment. I had done my usual...dressed casually in shorts and a t-shirt, sprayed some Giorgio on, then sprayed Wild Musk on top of that. Something about my body chemistry mixed those two fragrances like nobodiy's business, and turned noses, eyes, and bodies everywhere I went.

For that particular exclamation, I was in a department store looking for...I can't remember what. Upon hearing the man say it, I turned, smiled, took note of his good-looking-ness, and said, "Thanks!" and walked on, confidence and cockiness in full display, along with swinging hips of course.

Those were the days....the days of being wanted and admired not only for what I smelled like, but also what I looked like. I was what you call a Hot Chick. I didn't look like a model...I wasn't thin and emaciated. I was healthy. Big butt, big boobs, huge smile, brilliant eyes...a sight that caused many a man to lick his lips and shake his head while looking me up and down.

But you see...those were turbulent days for me. I loved the attention...craved the attention...for a while. A year, maybe two...and then it just started to be empty. That attention no longer satisfied, no longer filled, no longer gave me what I wanted. But it was still oh so good and oh so hard to say "No" to.

In retrospect, I am aghast at what I did to my body. I am disgusted at the mutilation of what was once a perfectly healthy package of flesh and bones. But I wanted to be liked and loved for my mind and my intellect...not my body. So what's a girl to do? Ugghhh....my choice was to take away what got the attention. Get rid of the healthy, voluptuously, scrumptiously hot body.

I packed on 130 extra pounds. And there you have it: I am a - FORMER - Hot Chick. What's more...men don't value my mind and my intellect, at least not enough to get past the unhealthy body and ask me out on a date.

Oddly enough, I still get comments. A man watched me through the library shelves once, and came around and said to me, "Excuse me. But I just have to tell you that you have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen." WHEW! And another time, some man next to me at a stop light motioned for me to roll down the passenger side window so he could tell me, "You are so beautiful." But those comments are fewer and far-er between.

Yadda, yadda, yadda, right? So you're probably wondering... "This gonna be a blog about the past or what?" WHAT! This blog is about me...regaining control of my life and body by losing that 130 pounds...and getting back my former hot chick-ed-ness. It's going to be a time of laughter, humor, sarcasm, blood, sweat and bucket loads of tears.

It's gonna be a wild ride, for sure!

Stay tuned for C-R-A-Z-I-N-E-S-S!!!