I'm a David

I listened to a sermon yesterday. It was a podcast from Riverview Church in Perth, Australia. A series called "God Stories". This particular sermon was about one story but three people. It was the story of Samuel, Jesse (David's father), and David.

Samuel represents people who had big dreams and plans, but something has gotten in the way of those things. Jesse represents a parent who wants the best for his kids, but isn't sure how to go about getting it. (Kinda...I didn't pay much attention to the Jesse part, since I don't have kids.) David represents the one who has been called to something special, but years later still has yet to see it come to fruition.

I'm a David. And I can sum it up in one word: Morocco.

I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I am called to be a part of Morocco. In some way. In some shape. In some form. That call came in April 2004. It's been six years, and a couple of months, and here I am, still in Vegas. All my attempts to "get there" have failed. I have even had to lay Morocco completely aside, and let the dream die so to speak, because it had become such a burden - the not getting there.

The pastor from Riverview brought up a very interesting point ... one I'm positive God wanted me to hear ... David was anointed to be the King of Israel when he was a kid. He didn't become King of Israel until 14 years later.

14 years passed between the anointing and the actual Kingship.

14 years.

All those years between were years of preparation. How I've come to loathe that word. But the pastor made one statement that hit me between the eyes: "God says, 'Just because I have revealed a future to you, doesn't mean I have finished with your heart.'"

I've grown weary in the "preparation". Yet I see that I have not been diligent in the preparation. So what I've grown weary in is actually ... well ... me. I've gotten sick of my own shortcomings, and in some ways, have given up.

God won't reveal to me all the ways He will be preparing me for Morocco - or even what the fruition will look like. He has, however, given me a few specific things that I - Dawn Marie Matusz - must take care of before He will release me to it. And I've not taken care of them.

There will be no pledge. There will be no proclamation. There will be no promise. There will be simply this: One day at a time, I will seek His face, and His help, and most of all, His love. He has revealed a future to me. I will let Him work on my heart.

The Ice Pack Hissed at Me

Pain is the essence of my existence today. From mid-back to hamstrings...basically the back half of my body... is one wall of pain. I had a really good couple of weeks, then took a day off - and whammooo - pain sets in. I guess the lesson in this is: KEEP GOING.

We're working 6 days a week at the Palazzo, but with my back healing and being in therapy, I give it a rest every couple of weeks and give it two days off, thanks to FMLA. Sometimes, one extra day is enough. Sometimes, it's not. This time, I ended up with three.

Went to work in loads of pain today, and worked that way, very slowly, until 1 pm. My floor manager then sent me home because there were no more rooms for me to do. I didn't have to use FMLA (which has been a complete GOD-send since starting therapy), but by the time I got home, I was near tears from pain. Iced, then fixed dinner, than relaxed. Just finished icing again.

I will not be going in tomorrow. And you know? It really pisses me off. I understand that my spine is changing, hence the tendons and ligaments and muscles are changing, and that's the reason for the pain, but still...I'm so ready for this to be done. I guess this is when it's toughest - been in therapy long enough to see great results but get frustrated with pain, and wondering if it's ever going to end.

**sigh** It will end. One morning soon, I'll wake up and feel nothing. And all day long, I'll feel nothing. And I'll come home from work that day, and feel nothing. The ice packs will stay in the freezer. The ibuprofen will stay in the bottle. And I'll go to bed, feeling nothing. And the next morning, I'll wake up and feel nothing. And that will be the start of pain free days. That will be the start of freedom. Soon. Please God make it so.

Because seriously, my ice packs are so giving out! I've known one of them had a hole for several days now...my back is always wet when I remove the ice packs. I just didn't know which one, until today. I leaned back, and the darn thing HISSED at me! AHA! I caught it! It's now in the trash. Stupid ice pack.

Here's a couple pictures from the day. Dinner, Ruppert, and my pretty new tv - still in the box.

I had steamed green beans, crab cakes, and decaf vanilla hazelnut (I think) coffee. :o)

Ruppert is getting SOOOO big. Since being transplanted to a larger pot, and moving to a new home, he has sprouted so many new shoots and leaves, and has even more coming up. He's gonna need a bigger pot, soon. Really soon. :o)

Upside down - it's a Samsung 40 inch something or other. :o) Getting it through PurchasingPower - payroll deduction a little every paycheck. Someday, I'll have a stand for it and be able to take it out the box!!

Ooops

Okay, it's been a while. 6 whole days. Not that I haven't thought about writing something. Really, I totally have. On several occassions. But alas, fatigue gets the better.

So, here it is, June 18 - can you believe the year is half over?? It was JUST New Year's! Sheesh.

I had re-exam #3 with Active Life yesterday. It's been a painful month, so naturally I thought there wouldn't be much improvement. Turns out, pain is actually a good indicator that things are getting better! Yay! Who knew?

Results: weight differential left to right - even. hips - even. shoulders - even. range of motions - all passes. posture - huge leap forward - getting much better. My neck is still crooked, so over the next month, we're going to do what sounds like a very painful procedure a handful of times to correct that. Not looking forward to that! haha

Overall - it's been a decent week. I worked all my scheduled days, not leaving early once till today. The job was just too much today. I've been relaxing in the bed all day, giving my back a break from doing anything. It's working - no pain! yay! Now it's time to get up and do a few things around the apartment before bedtime. And call my mom.

Here are a couple pics: One is a bed I made at The Palazzo - it turned out so pretty and perfect I just had to take a picture of it! The other is of a book I just finished reading - great story!