Are you kidding me??

I watched this movie this morning. It's called Disfigured, an indie film about a morbidly obese woman and an anorexic woman who become friends.

It opens with a "Fat Awareness Action Group"...a group of very overweight women (and a few men) who are actually pretty militant in their attitudes about the way other people treat them because they are fat. I'll be honest...I used to be the same way. My attitude was this: I'm a big girl, so what? It's just the way God made me. Why can't you see past the fat to the person? If I'm able to, why can't you? I'm overweight, but I'm healthy.

That's pure bullshit! Obviously, my attitude has changed. A few things these people were saying made me realize just how much.

For instance: You want to lose weight? That's self-hatred. How can you expect people to accept that you're fat if you can't accept that your fat?

RIDICULOUS. Yes, it's a script. But YES, there are people out there that view being fat exactly like this! I've met them! And it PISSES ME OFF.

Being fat isn't something that just happened to me. It's not "the way I'm supposed to be" or "the way God made me". Being fat is something I did to MYSELF. It was a form of self-hatred when I did it. So now, I want to be healthy, and you tell me that I'm hating myself?

Is it self-hatred to want to be off blood pressure meds? Is it self-hatred to want to turn away from the risk of diabetes? Is it self-hatred to want to stop my heart muscle from thickening further? Is it self-hatred to want to be able to run a marathon? Is it self-hatred to want to be HEALTHY?

Get real!

And face the facts. Our bodies are wonderful, miraculous machines...built by a wonderful, miraculous God. They will function through the most rigorous of circumstances...but they can only take so much. He did NOT intend for our bodies to carry 100 extra pounds. Which is why overweight people are at such high risk for so many diseases. It's not about hating yourself for being fat. It's about taking responsibility for your own actions, and taking CARE of your body. Living in obesity is the exact opposite - instead of taking care of your body, you're destroying your body.

I love me. I love my personality, I love my laugh, I love my natural beauty. Do I love my body? Yes, I do, because it's the vessel God gave me to walk this earth. And because I love my body, and because I love God above all things, I am losing weight. Because I love this body, I am going to TAKE CARE of it.

Whatever you do, it's your choice. But don't you DARE condemn me for wanting to be healthy.

Whew. I'm off my soap box now. Just had to let that out.

Back to the Surface

Have you ever had that feeling...the one where you've been hanging on for so long, dog-paddling to stay afloat, and finally, you're just so tired you go under? And for a moment...it's blissful. No more fighting, no more struggling, no more striving...just peace and quiet. And then suddenly you wake back up and think "WHAT AM I DOING???" And your head breaks the surface of the water, and you see the rescue boat so close you wonder why you didn't just turn your head before to notice it...and the next thing you know, you're in the boat wrapped in warm, cozy blankets and real peace comes.

That's about where I am right now...wrapped in those warm, cozy blankets existing - for now at least - in real peace.

It's a nice feeling.

No format today. I just wanted to get something on here. Something real. I have my laptop back, so am going to (hopefully) stick to updating regularly. I'll be back in the gym next week (YAY), and tracking food again.

So let's see if this former hot chick can finally get back to her fullness of hotness. OH YEAH! lol - as if that makes ANY sense. :o)